Connections
by smsmb stories
Summary: Both Matt and Andres have been feeling strange. An interesting encounter at a band booster meeting leads to secret relationships. How will their first time go? Who will they tell first? Matt x Andres Warnings: self-harm, sex, homosexuality
1. Chapter 1

Connections – Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Matt's POV

As I lay in my bed tonight, I know I won't be able to sleep. I think about the conversations we had earlier, and I wonder if they meant as much to him as they did to me.

How can he look so perfect without trying? When I spend time doing my hair, choosing my clothes, he seems to just flow with a careless grace I can't mimic.

I still can't believe that I am the way I am. I feel awkward around my friends, them knowing that I'm different. They don't treat me the same anymore...except Andres. He still sees me as the same person even though I see him as more.

I feel so wrong now. My whole life I've been told that being gay is sin, and now I am sick. Those closest to me don't even know me anymore.

I didn't mean for it to happen, honestly. I was picking up the shattered glass and one shard jabbed it's way into my hand. I didn't pull it out, I just stared at it. That's what scares me.

•••••••

The next Monday, my mom told me I had to go to the Band Booster meeting. However, I stayed outisde, and I observed my peers. Nick was there as always, and so were Sam and Aubree. There was a sickening feeling in my stomach when I realized Andres was standing sulkily in the corner. My feelings have been building inside me for a couple weeks now, and I believe I want to kiss him.

Andres's POV

I've been feeling strange the past few weeks. I haven't told anyone, not even Sam. After Franny left me, I felt like I lost my connection to girls. I never really had close guy friends, unless you count Braden or Matt. While Braden and I seperated, Matt and I have seemed to have gotten closer.

But now he was here, at the Band Booster meeting. Oh, God, he had timing, didn't he? I sigh. I think I need to talk to him. Yea, that's what I'll do. Maybe if I talk to him, these strange feelings will go away. He's over there.  
"Hey, Matt, dude, can I talk to you privately?"  
"Uhh, sure."  
I led him over to the conex.

"Hey, I..."  
I was silenced by the sensation of his lips upon mine. They were dry and chapped, but warm, eager. He pulled away before I could react. We looked at each other, stunned.  
"Was it...bad?" He asked uncertainly.  
"No, Matt, it wasn't."  
We awkwardkly smiled at each other and stared into each others eyes for a good 10 minutes, maybe longer. I wanted to stay here forever, but sadly the booster meeting ended. That's when I came to the realization of my feelings for Matt. 


	2. Chapter 2

Connections – Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Matt's POV

Yesterday was the greatest day of my life. Andres has shown interest in me, for the first time. The way he kissed me was different then I imagined it, his lips were soft and tender, rather than rugged like his physique.

I haven't told him about my problem with cutting myself. It's like a medicine, the pain numbs my soul. Last night I got too carried away, and I nearly cut my arm off. I have to hide it, so I'll wear a jacket to cover it up.

•••••••

I put on my jacket and go to school. I hope Andres is there for jazz band. As I was setting up my trombone, I couldn't help but stare. I had hardly slept at all last night, I was so conflicted. When practice was over, he came up to me.  
"Ummm...we gotta talk about yesterday." he said with a soft look on his face.  
"What about it?"  
"We can't tell anyone about...us. It's just too risky. My parents would d*** me to h*** if they found out I was gay, it's against my religion."  
"Yea, I doubt my family would be very supportive."  
"So we agree to keep it a secret?"  
"Yes."  
A goodbye wasn't nessacary, just a nod of approval. We seperated and began to pack up.

Andres' POV

During passing period on my way to Mr. Levine's, I had use the restroom. When I arrived at the stalls, I heard a noise coming from one of them. It sounded like muffled crying.

What the hell? I thought to myself. I saw a pair of Vans sticking out under the door. F***, I thought, those are Matt's shoes.  
"Matt? Matt!" I cried, as I started to push against the door. Suddenly it burst open and my weight fell against air. My eyes fell upon a tragic sight. There was Matt, tears staining his face. Blood was gushing from a slit in his wrist, about an inch wide. I was stunned. Memories from my own experience flashed through my mind.

"Andres...?"  
"Matt, what the h*** is going on here? You think life's a game?"  
"Why would you care? No one does...just leave me here to die!"  
"Matt, I DO care. Sam cares. Xavier cares. Aubree cares. Your family cares. Why don't you see that?"  
"No one cares. No one will accept me for who I am."  
"Listen, I've been through this before. You gotta do it. For me."

Matt's POV

I can't believe him. It was a private moment. Why won't he just let me be who I am. Jeez, what's his deal?

"Hey, you can't do this to yourself, Matt. I, I know how you feel. But you can't do this."

"Wait, you did, this?" I said indicating to my wrist.  
"Yea, I did."  
"Can I ask why?"  
"Well, when I realized I was, you know, gay, it was really hard for me."  
"Well I..." Suddenly, I couldn't finish my sentence, because we once again were kissing.

"We should probably get to class now," Andres said, realizing it was nearly sixth period. Lovingly, he wrapped my arm in tissue, effectively stopping the bleeding.  
"Call me, okay?" As he said this, Andres pressed a folded note into my hand. With that, he left.

I looked at the note and read it as the passing bell rang.

"875-4703, please call me."  
"Wow." I breathed as I headed off to band.

•••••••

Over the next few weeks, I found myself recovering. The urge to hurt myself had become less noticable. After ignoring my church and calling Andres every night, my wrists and mind were healing. During one conversation, he asked if he could come for a sleepover.  
"Uhh, you can. Why?"  
"Oh, I don't know. Sounded fun."  
"Yea, that'll be cool."  
"Nice. Your parents will let you? I don't wanna intrude."  
"Nah, it's cool, Xavier comes for sleepovers sometimes."  
"Um, okay? So seeya then"  
"Okay. Bye then."  
"Bye."

Well, that was weird, I thought to myself. But I don't know. I sigh. I'll have to think on it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Connections – Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Matt's POV

Maybe I should have Andres over. We need to talk, and maybe more, but I don't know. I have had Xavier over to spend the night, but we never did anything like that. He's not like me. He now refuses to stay over, afraid that something will happen between us. But it's not him I'm attracted to, it's always been Andres.

I'm tired now, all this stress is killing me, I feel like I can't breathe, everyone's watching me so close. I think Xavier and my family are getting suspicious, though, in their defence, I have been acting awfully strange.

•••••••

Andres is coming over Friday, so I at least have a few days to prepare. I clean up my room a bit, hide my hair supplies and those male fashion magizines Shelby got me as a joke. Contrary to her intentions, they have been quite helpful.

I'm pretty lucky to live in a big house where I get my own room, I thought. I pulled out the extra bed and made it up with pillows ans blankets. I almost didn't want to, because I was hoping he would sleep in my bed with me. But, wishful thinking gets you nowhere, so I made the bed.

"What to do, what to do?" I said to myself "Oh! We should go swimming! Perfect!" I began to giggle hystarically "Oh God, I'm such a girl."

Andres' POV

What did I do? Am I being too clingy? I mean, I am his first guy, right? I've been with a guy before, but I remember being uncertain how to act, do anything pretaining to the relationship. But it's been a while, I can't remember. These thoughts flashed through my mind and I slipped into a daydream.

**  
Braden and Andres stood in a field.  
"I'm sorry, but we can't." Andres says.  
"Why not Andres? We had everything!" Braden replies, his heart in his throat.  
"I don't think I'm gay, Braden. I just don't."  
Braden looked into his face, looking for any sign this was a joke, that is wasn't real.  
"I'm sorry Braden. I am." Andres looked into Braden's eyes, brimming with unshed tears. Those golden eyes. "I'm sorry." He repeated.  
Andres left Braden standing in the field, alone and pained.

Andres layed on his bed and hid his face in his pillow. 'Tommorow is another day.' He reapeated the phrase over and over in his head like a silent mantra.

I can't stand the anxiety. As I stand here, beginning to pack my things, my conscious considers calling the whole thing off. Then my urge for him became stronger. I must do this.

•••••••

"Bye baby! Have fun! I'm going to miss you so much!" My mom says as she smothers me with a hug.  
"I'll miss you too mom, thanks for driving me."  
"Bye!" She practically screams as she drives away.

As I slowly ascended the driveway, I stopped to think. What do I say? What wil he say? My thoughts were interupted with the screech of a car horn. I walked at a faster pace now, just to get out of my mother's sight.

Matt's POV

He's here! I quickly dash in the bathroom to check how I look. My hair is actually straightened today, and I'm wearing fairly normal clothes so no one suspects. Wow, I thought, I'm more nervous than I thought I would be. Ding dong! The doorbell rings, and my mother rushes to answer.

"Hey there!" She says. "Come in, Matt's room is upstairs, he'll show you so you can put down your things."  
"Okay, thank you ma'am." He replies, stunned.

He heads upstairs with me. If Sam were here, she would say gay baby, I thought to myself. I chuckle.  
"What?" He says nervously.  
"Nothing, just thinking of something." I reply, grinning.

When we arrive at my room, I direct him to put down his things.  
"Hey, my mom said it was okay to go swimming, we can leave in a few."  
"Oh, cool, the one Sam recommended, right?"  
"Yea, apparently it's really cool. You can get changed now, the bathroom's down the hall to the left. "  
"Oh, okay." Andres leaves with his bag.

•••••••

Once we arrived, we headed towards the locker rooms. I didn't know what to say at first, but things stared to click soon. I wonder what he wants to do first.  
"Uh, do you want to go on the waterslides?" I ask, uncertain.  
"Waterslides? Cool!" He replies.  
"Yea." I can't say much more as I suddenly burst out laughing.  
"What? What?" He asks.  
"Nothing, nothing." I say.  
He spreads his arms for a hug, and I fall into his arms, a warm embrace that lasts for a few minutes in the locker room.

•••••••

After about six hours of water sliding, lap swimming, making out in the locker room, current riding and eating bad snack bar food, we were ready to go back to my house.

"Have fun?" My mom asks the two of us.

•••••••

Andres' POV

We go back to Matt's room and start to talk.  
"Uhh, should we tell anyone about us? Keeping it to ourselves doesn't feel right." I ask him, looking pleadingly into his eyes.  
"We should tell two people, people we can trust." He answers, looking at me back.  
"Well who? I mean, I trust Sam, because she's like, my best female friend, you know? I mean, I've kept her in the dark but she needs to know."  
"Yeah, and who else? Another girl, right? A lot of guys would beat my a** if they knew. How about Aubree?"  
"That sounds good, but that's a ways down the road. Let's do something else tonight." I said, feeling myself grow bolder.  
"Wha-what?" Matt said, a weak smile building on his face.

"You know what I mean." I said softly as I peeled off his shirt, then pulled my own over my head. I went in and kissed him tenderly on the mouth, slightly tentative and more confident when Matt kissed back.  
"I've never done th-this before. I'm scared."  
"Oh, it's okay. It's my first time too." I gathered him in my arms and hugged him tight. I could have stayed there forever, but he was aroused and so was I.

Matt's POV

Oh my god. This is insane. Breath Matt, chill. Okay, okay, you can do this. Oh s***, no I can't. What if I don't act right? Are there some certain rules I'm suposed to follow? If this was a normal situation, I would ask Sam for advice. Or ask Aubree to get me a book. Okay, I'm making out with my boyfriend, why am I thinking about them?

"Shhhhh, it's really going to be okay." He whispers in my ear.  
"Okay, okay." I find myself panting, obviously stressed out.  
"It is." He whispers to my ear again, sending chills down my spine.  
He kisses me again, slightly fiercer this time. I do my best not to moan in pleasure as Andres kisses my neck, softly at first, then he moves on to soft bites and suckling towards my collarbone.

"Is this okay?" He asks, looking up at me from below my eyes. His were very beautiful.  
"You have such beautiful eyes, Andres."  
"Thanks Matthew."  
I suck in a short breath of air as Andres' mouth moves lower. I am suddenly struck with an idea. I push my boyfriend over my bed, so that Andres is lying on his back. I return the favors he's been giving me the last few minutes.

This was shaping out to be an interesting night. 


	4. Chapter 4

Connections – Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Matt's POV

Oh no, I thought. The morning after. I checked my clock with bleary eyes. 7:15. Not bad. Better wake him up, I thought, so my mom doesn't see.  
"Andres? Wake up." I prodded him with a finger. "Come on."  
"Merr?" He asked.  
"Umm, yeah, wake up so my mom doesn't see." I said. Well, not too awkward so far, I thought.

Suddenly Andres tackled him onto the extra bed that I had made.  
"Have to make it look like someone slept in this one, eh?"  
We then proceeded to, well, sleep in it. Note to self: the second time is better.

•••••••

"So? We have to tell Sam and Aubree, right?" He asked as we headed back to my room to pack up. Both of us, actually, as our parents agreed I could stay at Andres' for the day.

We called up Sam on my phone.

"Hey Andres! What's up?" She asked cheerily.  
"Oh, I stayed at Matt's house last night."  
"Oh, Matt's just full of man sleepovers, huh?"  
"Oh, yea. Hey, you're at Aubree's house today, right?"  
"Yea, I'm there now."  
"Cool. Could you meet us at the park at noon?"  
"Lemme ask Aubree... Yea she says okay. Why?"  
"Me and Matt need to talk to you both."  
"Umm, okay. See you there then. Bye."  
"Seeya, bye."

Okay, well that's done, I thought to myself.

•••••••

Andres' POV

"They're over there!" I exclaimed. Aubree and Sam were standing and talking over by the picnic tables in the park we had arranged to meet at.  
"Yep. Okay." Matt replied, his voice wavering with nervousness.

"Hey guys!" Aubree and Sam call in unison. "What's up?"  
"Oh, nothing in particular." I say, only to be smacked in the arm by Matt. "Oh yeah, we need to talk to you."  
"Yea, we kinda guessed, you told us on the phone." Sam says playfully.  
"Yeah, okay, you two might want to sit down." Matt said.  
Aubree and Sam exchanged apprehensive glances.  
"Well? What do you want to tell us?" Aubree was growing impatient.  
"Get on with it then."

I begin. "We are... Well, we're..." I trail off and Matt finishes.  
"Dating!" Matt says quickly, as to not chicken out.

Aubree and Sam look at eachother warily. "Well. I.." Aubree trails off as well. Then, to our surprise, Aubree proceded to stand up, kiss us both on the cheek, and walk away.  
"What was that?" Matt and I ask.  
"I... don't... know." Sam replies, stunned. "Uhh, later." She says pointedly, and walks in the same direction as Aubree went.

•••••••

3rd POV

"Guys are pretty tricky. One day they say they like you and the next day they tell you they're dating another guy. But nonetheless, I want you both to know that I love you and that you have my full support. –Aubree"

"Well okay then." One blond boy whispers to the dark-haired one. "At least we know we have Aubree's support."

"Yeah, that's true. And Sam told me she was happy for us. She's just freaked out is all. She still liked you." Andres said after a long pause. They stared into each other's eyes and smiled.

"I think I love you Andres." Matt whispered unsurely.

"I love you too Matt." Andres said in the same tone, smiling as he pulled Matt in for a tender kiss.

"Forever," Both boys said in unison, then giggled at the timing.

"Forever."

THE END


End file.
